It's Not About Me

Voiceless Tenor Learns to Sing a Different Tune

Tom Keenan

It was a strange time in Tom Keenan’s life. In January 2022, the lifelong musician and vocalist with a two-octave tenor voice could not make a sound.

He couldn’t sing. He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t even whisper.

What’s worse, the medical specialist told him that due to a paralyzed vocal cord, his voice might be gone — forever.

Even though the pastor and elder board at Valley Evangelical Free Church in Chaska, Minnesota, were aware of Tom’s prognosis, they hired him that month as worship leader.

The real kicker was that Tom didn’t want to be the worship leader, even when he still had a voice.

Tom had agreed to serve as interim worship leader, but at age 59, he was planning a different ministry since he’d recently retired. He was going to use his handyman skills to help people in disaster areas.

“I’d built a bed in the back of my pickup truck because I was going to go with Billy Graham’s Samaritan’s Purse,” he said. “I was signed up and ready to go.”

But God had a different plan. In numerous ways, He pointed Tom to serve as the permanent worship leader.

“I was wrestling with Him,” Tom recalled. He sensed God saying, Do you want to do ministry that I called you to? Well, I’m calling you to this. Are you serving me? Or are you serving yourself?

The worship leader position had been posted for six months before Tom applied. Then he lost his voice.

Four months after accepting the worship leader position, Tom still couldn’t make a sound. This gregarious man of Irish descent, who had performed with a national singing group and on numerous stages in the past, was forced to gesture and use a pen and notebook to communicate. He directed other team members to speak and sing.

The situation didn’t make sense to him.

“I was really frustrated, because I could not understand how God had called me to do something, and then He didn’t allow me the tools to do it. It’s like a drummer without sticks, or a guitar without strings.

“That’s the way I was with my voice. This is my primary instrument; this is how I lead. And God just took it from me and said, ‘Lead anyway.’ So I was extremely frustrated.”

Pride

Tom learned some major lessons during this time — predominantly about pride.

“God absolutely ripped pride from my life based on my voice,” he explained.

Prior to attending Valley, Tom had served as worship leader of another church for four years.

Then God made it clear that Tom should step down from the position. Tom sensed what God was communicating: “Keenan, you’re done. Sit on the bench.”

“What did I do?” Tom asked God. He sensed God’s reply: “When you figure that out, we’ll talk.”

Tom realized that he had become “very prideful” in his role at the other church.

“This was a big discipline thing for me,” Tom said. “I knew what I was doing (as a worship leader). I was good at it, and I thought that the congregation was going to grow spiritually through my leadership.

“God whistled me off the field, and He didn’t pat me on the back and say, ‘Good job.’ He put a hard hand on my back, and said, “You’re benched.”

When Tom began attending Valley, he was not part of the staff. “For that first year and a half, I was sitting there learning this lesson about pride, having no responsibility and no leadership at church,” he said.

“I didn’t want it, and nobody was offering anything. Eventually, I got tapped on the shoulder by God again, after we’d gone through this, and He said, ‘Okay, I’m going to put you back in the game.’ ”

After Tom lost his voice, he said it was almost as if God was saying, “I’m going to give you this job that I want you to do, and I’m going to take away your voice to prove to you that it’s about me and not you.”

Peace

For about four months, Tom struggled to silently lead the Valley worship team, but he was planning to resign.

“I finally came to the end of me. I thought, I can’t do this. It’s bad for Valley. It’s bad for the people. It’s uncomfortable for newcomers. I had this team of 20 people, and I felt like I couldn’t do the job adequately. Every morning, I would get up and pray, ‘God give me back my voice.’ But it wasn’t happening.”

Then one morning, as Tom was on his knees praying, something astounding happened.

“In my heart I was crying out to God, saying, ‘You’ve asked me to be a part of Valley worship team in a leadership position, but I need a voice to do that. You’ve got to give me my voice back.’”

Through tears, as Tom pounded his pillow with his fist, he heard God’s reply: “Tom, I don’t need your voice. I need your heart.”

Tom says he clearly hears God’s voice on occasion, and this time it was “very, very clear.” “That voice came into my heart, soul and mind. And it just leveled me — just broke me, and I wept harder into the pillow.”

“I understood that I may not get my voice back ever again, but I also felt a deep peace in my soul.

“I’d had a voice for many years. I used it to God’s glory. I’d sung on stages. I’d done performance art and entertainment. And if that’s what God wanted to take from me to clean up my life, then I was okay with that.”

Tom got off his knees, telling God that he trusted Him. I’m not going to have a voice again, he thought. But God will provide, and I’ll be all right. Thank you, God, for what’s been.

Tranquility overwhelmed him.

Healing

A few more months passed with Tom silently leading the worship team. By this point, his doctor had sent him to a vocal coach in an attempt to “wake up” the paralyzed vocal cord.

Tom hadn’t uttered a sound in eight months, but as he drove home one day after a vocal appointment, God surprised him.

“I was doing my vocal exercises,” Tom recalls. “And suddenly, my voice made a sound for the first time! Then a couple of minutes later, I was able to repeat it. And I was able to replicate it a third time, just that first sound.

“And then I heard the voice of God in my head say to me, ‘I’m going to give you back your voice now. Are you ready?’”

“I’m going to give you back your voice. Are you ready?”

Tom’s eyes grew misty as he remembered this moment. In his mind, he immediately said “Yes” to God. He couldn’t say it out loud.

“Tears were pouring out of my eyes,” he said. “I knew exactly what God meant: God had underscored and removed my pride. We all have it, but that pride in me as a performer was gone. I didn’t have that anymore.

“I was not relying on a pretty voice. I was relying on everybody else, and I was just organizing and helping orchestrate worship on Sunday morning.

“I had been disciplined by God for my personal pride, which ran deep. Then the Holy Spirit could begin to reshape me, starting with my heart.”

Service

Tom’s voice didn’t instantly return. It took time. Over the next two months, he was slowly able to make more sounds and speak words, even though it sounded like he had laryngitis. On the worship team, he gradually added one note after another over the next year.

“It went from three notes to five notes to six notes to eight notes. Now I have one octave, and it is the church octave. It is the sweet spot for the congregation to sing,” Tom explained.

“My upper tenor voice is completely gone. It will never come back, and that’s okay. I can sing, I can talk, I can share the Gospel.

“God has given me exactly what I need to do the tasks that He has called me to do. And that’s what I asked for. In my prayers, I said, ‘God, I just need to sing what the congregation needs to sing.’ ”

Tom said his security is not in his voice anymore, and he’s never felt so good about his place in life.

“Right now, I know this is exactly what God has given me to do. God brings us to the end of ourselves,” Tom added, “so we realize that all we have left is Him.

“First Timothy 1:12 says, ‘I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given us strength, that He considered me trustworthy, appointing me to His service.’ Wow, that is so true.

“I think my primary lesson was when God said, ‘I don’t need your voice, I need your heart.’ I suppose God could say that to anybody about anything. I don’t need your writing skills, I need your heart. I don’t need your mechanic ability, I need your heart.’

“We’re all just here to serve Him in our current circumstance.”